Cover Snark: Climaxing to Cannon Fire

If you’re like me, this weekend was rough and I’m in desperate need of some snark. If you’re not like me, have some snark anyway!

Winds of Betrayal by Jerri Hines. A man and woman in Revolutionary War era clothes are embracing, his front to her back. Behind them, a battle with cannon fire is going on.

Amanda: Winds of Betrayal is totally code for a wicked fart.

RHG: Yup.

Amanda: Also…maybe you should stop embracing with a battle going on right behind you.

RHG: The battle is going the other direction, they’re fine.

Sarah: This is like the historical war version of romantic suspense characters stopping to bang frantically in the stairwell because their hornypants are TOO CUMBERSOME to wait while the bad guys chase them.

“There’s, uh, marching going on. And maybe cannonfire?”

“TOO BAD DO NOT CARE WE CANNOT WAIT!”

RHG: “MY PANTS CANNOT CONTAIN MY FEELINGS”

(the feelings are his penis)

Amanda: I hope he times his climax with the cannon fire.

Sarah: Wouldn’t that make him feel…bad?

RHG: No, that would make him feel AWESOME.

CarrieS: He’s farting right now. No class at all.

Running with a Sweet Talker by Jami Albright. In the foreground, a man in a suit is looking smug. Behind him is a bride, but she's shot from the waist up. The top of her head reaches the man's elbow.

Amanda: Giant man or tiny woman? You decide!

Sarah: Can I just run away instead?

Love in the Cretaceous by Howard W. Robertson. A man in a jogging suit is running around from dinosaurs in the background. There's also a pretty chill looking sheep with an odd black image on its wool.

RHG: There’s just…so much happening

Amanda: Is that lamb tattooed?

RHG: Uh…maybe.

Elyse: I feel like hes jogging too casually given the fact that he’s clearly about to be eaten by dinosaurs. Or, because this is self-pub, pounded in the butt by them. Or the lamb.

Sarah: The dinosaur on the left…is that a two legged spermasaurus?

CarrieS: I echo RHG. There’s a LOT to process in that picture and I ain’t gonna try.

The Gamble by Alice Ward. In the background is a city at night. A shirtless hero is front and center and he's unbuttoning his pants. It's clear that he is wearing no underwear. His pecs are covered in big, blue tattooed roses.

Elyse: Those are cover up tattoos, for sure. I’m going to go with Tweetie Bird on the right peck and his ex girlfriend’s name on the left.

Amanda: My guess is that crass back windshield sticker of Calvin (of Calvin & Hobbes) peeing on something. Maybe like a Ford truck logo.

Sarah: Tenderheart Bear on the left and Rainbow Brite on the right. He wanted Funshine Bear and Strawberry Shortcake and didn’t realize the artist’s mistake until it was too late.

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