Cover Snark: Forever a Santa

Sometimes I feel as though its been ages since we did a Cover Snark, and other times I feel like we just did one yesterday. Today is definitely the latter, but I’m not complaining!

Montana Dog Soldier by Elle James. A shirtless and headless man is standing on a rocky beach. He's wearing a worn leather jacket. A German Shepard dog sits nearby, staring up lovingly at the man.

Amanda: Is he a dog shifter Navy SEAL?

Sarah: The dog is the SEAL. That guys is… wearing a christmas tree of belly hair? Is that a merkin?

We might end up with a whole cover snark about overlarge dogs

CarrieS: The dog is clearly in love with the dude. I don’t understand the dude’s abs. Neither do I understand why he’s wearing a leather jacket with no shirt.

Elyse: If this isn’t a romance between the guy and the dog, I’ll be shocked.

Jingle My Balls by Jenika Snow and Jordan Marie. A bearded, gruff looking dude is smoking a cigarette in front of a Christmas tree. He is shirtless and wearing a Santa hat. His chest is covered in tattoos.

Amanda: OH CHRISTMAS TREE OH CHRISTMAS TREE HOW LOVELY ARE YOUR PUBE HAIRS.

Sarah: Think he combs it and hangs tiny balls from it at the holidays? Like how some people put reindeer antlers on their cars?

Amanda: I mean…nothing says the “Beardaments” have to be used for a face beard.

Sarah: This is true. His balls could jingle in MORE THAN ONE WAY.

Elyse: I’m concerned that the tree appears to have actual candles in it. That’s a fire safety issue.

Wolf Tales by Kate Douglas. Everything is purple and the two people on this cover are definitely nude. And possibly made of rubber.

From Lauren: I don’t know what is happening, but it doesn’t look comfortable.

Amanda: Okay, but who else read the title in the “Duck Tales” theme song tune?

Sarah: WOOOOOH OOOOOOH!

Amanda: The woman also has a very long torso.

Sarah: And is very flexible.

CarrieS: Is her head on backwards?

Elyse: I get the impression that these are alien people who are smooth everywhere like Barbies. I’m pretty sure she’s missing her nipples entirely.

Studmuffin Santa by Tawna Fenske. A shirtless man looks at the reader with a grin. He's wearing just a Santa hat. In front of him is a woman in a towel, her back is to us. She's spreading the towel, as if to flash the grinning Santa man. Christmas with a Prince by Noelle Adams. The same young, shirtless grinning Santa man is on this cover. Instead, there is no woman in a towel. It's just the Santa man, but now we see he's wearing a pair of red velvet pants with carefully placed white pom poms.

From Germaine: That’s got to be not only the same model, but the same stock shot. You guys should be able to come up with some great cover snark on this.

Sarah: Oh my gosh that poor model, caught forever in bashful Santa-surprise.

RHG: I didn’t notice I got distracted by his Adonis belt.

Amanda: Every time he dies, he’s reborn as a new romance Santa. Cursed forever.

Sarah: That poor guy. He’s so vulnerable, boxers and hat, over and over again.

RHG: No no no. It’s Quantum Santa.

Every Christmas he leaps into a new Santa, hoping this is the leap where he’ll be Home For Christmas.

CarrieS: What’s with all the sexy Santas? Santa is not sexy. Dressing up as Santa is not sexy. Wearing a festive hat from the Dollar Store is not sexy.

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