Cover Snark: Horse Whisperer

It’s Monday, which is the perfect day for Cover Snark!

Royal Atlas by H.J. Bellus. A buff shirtless man appears to be canoodling with a horse in a field.

From Deborah: I feel as if the horse is giving me a “don’t judge us” look, but…I’m judging. Oh, boy, am I judging.

Sarah: That horse looks like it would very much like some assistance, or at least an alternate breathing location that doesn’t include nipple.

I also admire how the L in “Royal” hugs the curve of the gentleman’s backside. That’s a nice touch.

Elyse: Poor horse. He didn’t consent.

He didn’t want this. He just wanted a sugar cube or an apple. Instead he got a face full of man titty.

Amanda: That “L” is definitely putting in some work.

CarrieS: A dog is a man’s best friend but a horse is a man’s best soulmate.

Fated by Rebecca Zanetti. A shirtless dude stands in front of a purple background. A giant purple circle is right over his crotch and he's wearing some noticeably tight jeans.

From Jenn: I’m submitting the book Fated by Rebecca Zanetti for a healthy dose of cover snark. First, please tell me I’m not the only one who saw this and at first glance thought it was titled “Farted”?! Second, what’s with the purple circle around his nether regions? Why not just a more obvious “your eyes here” label? And finally, are we to assume his testicles are supposed to be the Dark Protectors? So many questions…

Sarah: The circle is absolutely killing me. I can’t stop laughing.

Amanda: Just in case you didn’t know where his dingle is.

Elyse: This is like a shitty condom ad. “Dark Protectors! When regular condoms aren’t masculine enough for your fragile male ego!”

Irresistible Refrain by Michelle Mankin. A very oily or greasy man appears to have a guitar tucked into his pants.

Amanda: Is his guitar tucked into his pants?

Sarah: I really don’t think that’s how you carry a guitar.

Maybe his pants are too stretched out, the elastic has given way, and that’s the only way to keep them on? With a whole entire guitar?

Elyse: There’s nipple sweat. Why is there nipple sweat?

Sarah: I imagine the guitar neck would chafe. Maybe his nipple is crying.

CarrieS: He is kinda bored but his guitar is happy to see you.

Amanda: A weeping nipple.

Sarah: No to all body parts weeping, aside from eyes, thanks.

Her Halloween Treat by Tiffany Reisz. Not a bad cover with a man in an open red flannel shirt, carrying planks of wood. However, the i in the author's last name is positioned right at the cover model's nipple.

Amanda: There isn’t too much to snark here but they really missed an opportunity to have his nipple be to the dot to the “i”.

Sarah: Or at the very least an umlaut.

CarrieS: The way he wears his flannel disturbs me. Is it windswept? Is part of it tucked in the back? This…is not how flannel works.

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