Cover Snark: Two for the Price of One

It’s Cover Snark time, y’all!

New Beginnings by Morris Fenris. A blond couple embraces on a lakeside dock. Around them are the ghost heads of other couples: another blond duo and two pairs of brunette couples.

Amanda: Look at these white kissing ghost couples.

Sarah: Oh, boy. Is that the afterlife? For everyone? Uh, NO THANK YOU.

Amanda: I love how the blondes are with the blonde and the brunettes are with the brunettes.

Sarah: Maybe they’re all pairs skaters?

Amanda: Now that would be something. A small town romance whose major export is Olympic pairs skaters.

Sarah: A tiny island. Nothing to do but skate.

RHG: Brian Orser has a beach house there

CarrieS: Confession: I rather like it. Even if this cover was clearly brought to you by The Gap.

Timber by Frankie Love. A shirtless, muscular dude is looking down at three swaddled newborns. The baby on the far right is the only one with its eyes open and it's looking directly at us. Is it trying to warn us?

From Pam: The Incredible Hulk v. Curly, Curly, and Curly, the Cloned Stooges. This cover is irrefutable proof that babies are scary. Also, Photoshop should require a license.

Amanda: That baby on the right is clearly trying to signal for help.

Sarah: The baby on the right is trying to signal us to get the three of them out of there.

Amanda: HA!


I can just picture a tiny hand under the green blanket giving us directions. ‘That window is open. He’s about to go work out for about sixteen hours. Coast is clear GO GO GO.

CarrieS: Dude, you can’ pee out babies. That’s not how any of this works.

NOTE: We also received this one months later from Constance, who said, “I had to forward it to you. I have no words.”

Sarah: I have questions. And concerns. And more questions.

Elyse: His left nipple is staring right at that kids head

RHG: We have seen those babies before

Sarah: I think we have, yes!

RHG: Are they following us? WHAT DO THEY WANT

Sarah: I think the one on the right has a LOT of snark to share.

The Sword Keeper by Avin Vang. A shirtless dude has a sword over his shoulder, but the edge of the blade is resting against his skin. In the background are a see through dragon and a blonde woman in a tight tank top.

From Carole: So appears The Sword Keeper might be in the process of chopping his own head off?? Or or very gifted at removing chest and back hair with his weapon?

Sarah: How is he not bleeding out?

RHG: I have questions about the sharpness of his blade.

Sarah: And his sharpness in general.

RHG: To quote Doug Marcaida, It will not cut.

Sarah: I guess that is one way to avoid a neck beard?

CarrieS: Jesus! (my reaction on seeing the sword placement). I got nothing else, I’m too startled.

Branded by Ann Gimpel. The shirtless cover model looks oddly waxy and we can't tell if he's real of CGI. He has shoulder length, curly blonde hair, but dark wispy chest hair. One nipple is making itself known.

From Gloriamarie: How often does have to get a perm, I wonder? Which hair products does he use to get his hair so silky? Where’s his right nipple? For that matter, where is the brand?

Amanda: Everything is slightly off center and it’s KILLING ME.

Sarah: Again, his nipple is staring at me. Can we somehow stop the scourge of staring nipples?

Elyse: Am I the only one seeing Sean Penn in a wig?

CarrieS: Well, not any more *once I’ve seen it can’t unsee it*. Why is he grabbing his penis? Please tell me that’s not where he’s branded.

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